I didn't go to school today. Pfft. After what happened yesterday, I don't think I'll be able to go to school anymore. It's just so hard to take ... how could this happen to me? How?! I really felt down yesterday ... I don't think I've ever felt this way before ... the sadness is still here, lingering somewhere in me. It's just ... HORRIBLE. I mean ... I thought I could do better. What's with me??!! Cried so bad that I had a splitting headache and I couldn't help but cry more. I cried myself to sleep yesterday. This isn't what I expected to happen. Why?!?! Even after taking some pills the pain was not going away. Why?!?! This is a REAL downer. I mean ... some people think that I'm mad the way I am and that I'm upset for no reason. But well, the thing is even though I did better than you, I had expected more because I know that I could have done better and I don't know any other way of helping myself than crying. So that's just it ... I'm not being mean or anything but it's just that I had expected to have done better. Well, basically I was just VERY disappointed with myslef. Scratch that ... that would be an understatement. Yea, so as I'm writing this I already feel like shit and some people are making me feel worst. It's just hard ... and it also freaks me out as I've never been this upset and for this long in my life. Well ... all I can do now is look ahead and pick myself up and help myself feel better but until then I don't think what anyone does or says would make me feel better and that's just it. Sorry guys, if I'm gonna be sad ... just don't ask me why okay? I'll have to get through this myself and I don't know how long it takes. Oh and don't worry ... I won't get suicidal. D-UH. It's just that ... I'm shocked ... flabbergasted ... but I'm not dumb and I'm still sane.